Everything Southern & So Cotton Pickin Cute

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I've Got Nothing

Except God....
what more do I need?

Well, this title is a little misleading.  When I decided to post tonight my first thought was I've got nothing.  Nothing to say that is.  Then I realized how shallow that sounded.  It wasn't meant to sound like it does.  I only meant to say that I know y'all haven't heard much from me for the past 3 weeks except begging for prayers and telling you of our troubles.  I so want something positive to say.  But honestly I just don't have the energy.  

Then I decided the best thing I could do is look for scripture to share.  Well by the time I finished sharing I realized just how empty and unappreciative that title sounded.  I was prepared to change it, but in the end I think this is the message to me, that the Lord had planned for me all alone.


Trust Him in the Dark
 (Author: A.W. Tozer, from NIV Seniors Devotional Bible)
(Verse:  Proverbs 3:5 ~ Passage: Proverbs 3:1-10)

God constantly encourages us to trust him in the dark. "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name" (Isaiah 45:3).

It is heartening to learn how many of God's mighty deeds were done in secret, away from the prying eyes of men or angels.  When God created the heavens and the earth, darkness was upon the face of the deep.  When the eternal Son became flesh, he was carried for a time in the darkness of the sweet virgin's womb.  When he died for the life of the world, it was in the darkness, seen by no one at the last.  When arose from the dead, it was "very early in the morning" (Luke 24:1).  No one saw him rise.  It is as if God were saying, "What I am is  all peace.  I will do what I will do, and it will all come to light at last, but how I do it is my secret.  Trust me, and be not afraid."

With the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it and the power of God to achieve it, what do we lack?  Surely we are the most favored of all his creatures. 


Neils Moms Dr. came in last night and spoke with us.  He tried to tell Neil the time for heroics has passed, that this is the progression of the end of her life.  They decided it was time to discharge her from the hospital to the rehab/senior center.  She has a peg in, for her to receive nourishment.  She is sleeping almost around the clock.  Neil wants her to stay in the hospital until she's better.  Which no one except Neil believes will happen.  This is so painful for him.  The Dr. told him that if he has a half hour of lucid time to be grateful for that.  He told us that he would like to contact Hospice and have them speak to us.  Bless his heart it just about killed him to hear that.  I thought he was beginning to accept things but I was wrong.  I know that God has a plan and her being away from home for the last three weeks is all apart of it.  To help him possibly separate and learn to accept.  Does that sound cruel?  I don't mean to sound callous because actually this is breaking my heart.  I hate not being able to fix things and to comfort him.
They did transport her to the Life Center today.  I didn't go today because I'm getting sick and we don't want to compromise her health.  Neil stayed with her until they moved her and then followed them over.  She continued to sleep through it all.  The people at life center told him they can't force her to participate in rehab but she has to make progress to be able to continue to stay there.

Neil came home still a wreck, still crying, although he tries not to show it.  He says he thinks he is getting the flu.  He stomach is terribly upset.  I believes he's so worn out that his immune system is down and he probably has caught a bug and you all know what nerves can do to your stomach.  What a bad combination.  Now he's really worried.  Who's going to go over there and try to get her up (in other words, try to make her live).  He's sorta feeling that the Drs., myself and his neices (who aren't really in the picture) have just given up on her and he doesn't think she's ready.  How do I work with that?  What do I do, how do I comfort someone who's not ready to let go?  So now we're both sick and no good to anyone.  I pray that God uses me and that I open my eyes if I'm looking at this all wrong.  Well thank you all for listening.

Maybe the title should be changed from Except God to ACCEPT GOD!
Love and Hugs...Tracy

I feel too sick and am too tired to proof, please excuse my bad grammar and spelling.  I do know the difference between there, their and they're or  dear and deer but when I get going I sometimes miss what I've done until I reread it.


  1. I hear you Sweet Tracy ~ We all Know what You mean, With God, You Have Everything, without him, it is true, We Have Nothing.... Your Exhausted, Your Plug has been pulled, You Need REST! I think getting Hospice involved maybe the Next Step, the Best Step.... of course, Neil is not ready for His Mom to Pass, No one is ever Ready... Hospice is so understanding & knows just what to say... I Pray that You & Neil both feel better real quick & Nadine is Comforted by Jesus~ With Love & Understanding xox

  2. *hugs* just love him and stand by him, thats all you can really go for your HUbs now

  3. Tracy Hospice is the answer..they have had years of dealing with this..they know the words..the gentle ways to slowly let go.You just need to be there for him..let him make the decisions..it's like giving birth..at one point we all think..nope not going to do this time to go home..but life comes anyhow..and so does death.He's not making her die..he's holding her hand and letting her go..there's a difference.
    The women in us want to take over and nurture..sometimes it's best to just be still and be quiet..and let God deal with him..and let God make the decision.
    We will keep you in our prayers..start taking Vitamin C..and drink ginger tea..it helps with your immune system.Your really just now boarding the rollercoaster..it's still going to be a ride..hang on..and keep your eyes on the finish..God is there waiting.

    Hugs Cindy From Rick-Rack and Gingham

  4. This post hits so close to home for me. Hospice is indeed the way to go. They are there for support, counseling, advice...whatever you need right down to spiritual guidance. You just need to ask and they will be there.

  5. Dear Tracy,

    Please take time to heal yourself and Neil, get well and things will be more clear. Hospice is one of the best experiences I've ever had in dealing with death (I've lost too many to cancer in the past 14 years). Currently both my mother and oldest brother are dealing with cancer issues...it's never good when dealing with cancer. I will keep you and yours in my prayers. Take care and rest.

    God Bless,

  6. Oh Tracy,
    What can I say except that I am praying for you. And for Neil. And sending a big hug,

  7. Lord...give Neil the peace he needs to let his mom go, Tracy the strength she needs to help him through this, and Lord, bring his mom home to you quickly. Amen

    i'll be keeping y'all in my prayers.

  8. Tracy,
    Oh this is such a hrd time for you! Neil needs to let go.... Hospice would be the best thing for her and him....and you! Wonderful compassionate people that I swear are God's angels on earth! PLEASE....try to get Hospice started for all of you....when you can't let go, it is just as tough after they pass, if not more so.....I pray Neil will hear God when he tells him it is time now....I think it was a good doctor who told Neil that she is winding down, that her life is almost done here.....when my Mom went into the hospital all those years ago, only 59 years old she was in for 6 weeks and then passed. I know how it feels to not "let go".....it lasts way longer than it should! I am sending you a big hug! Sandy

  9. It is officially Monday morning since the clock struck Midnight about 20 minutes ago, I should be going to bed, but I was thinking of You & had to check in.... I Hope & Pray that Peace & Comfort are a part of Your Evening~ with Love xox

  10. Hi, I dropped by form Blushing Rose' Place. You have won some very nice gifts, sorry about the things you are having to walk through right now, I lift Neil up and pray for the scales to fall from his eyes...(it's tough to watch someone fade away though) and thanks for the Cystex tip! Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

  11. Hi Tracy,
    Just wanted to stop by and wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving. Hope all is settling down, and working itself out. I know you guys are under such stress right now, just know I am thinking of you and praying that you guys will be ok.
    Take care,