I'm still hoping that you can forgive me for asking for your continued prayers. Neil is suffering so much. Late last night he broke down and told me that he felt the hospital had lied to him and that she was suffering as she passed. I don't feel she was but that doesn't matter. It's what he feels that matters. He said she was scared and frighten and he let her down. He can't stop seeing her face as she took her last breath and he said he doesn't think he did the right thing. He also says he doesn't know how he can live with this. It's breaking my heart. To hear him say his last memory is seeing her face when she took her last breath is overwhelming. He was so close to her. (She was sedated but in his mind she was aware).
He took care of his mom better than anyone I've ever know. In the last 12 years I don't think we missed spending but a few dinners with her until she was in the nursing home last year. Even then he probably only missed visiting her 3 times before last week when he was sick most of it. It tears my heart up to see him suffering and I feel like a 8 year old girl just wanting someone to fix it. I'm begging for your prayers and any prayer chains you know.
I know that we're no different than anyone else experiencing the loss of a loved one but when it's your family going through it, it feels like the only thing in the world. I just don't know what I would do if something happened to Neil.
God Bless you all from the bottom of my heart......Tracy