Calling all angels / friends (same thing to me). I'm having a little trouble. I have so many people in blog land that I love. People, like you that I just love to visit. I enjoy seeing all your beautiful creations, hearing about all of your memories and family love. So today I'm asking if you can share a little love with me and my readers.Do you have a miracle big or small? Do you have just a thankful heart for something? It can be the simplest of things. Maybe you have a really big something. Maybe you've just heard or read a good news story in your town. I know I would sure love to hear it and I bet a lot of other people would too. Good news does the heart good! And I love, I mean I really do love small town news stories. It must be the small town girl in me. Is there someone who took a moment to speak to you? Something that just radiated with you? I'd love to be able to appreciate it with you.
To those who noticed.... I was absent last Monday. I'd been sick and going to the Dr. so I didn't get to post anything. This week I am just a bad girl. Here it is 8pm and all I have for you is this post with more questions than answers.
I really want this blog to be a happy place. I am grateful to our Lord for every blessing. I am not somehow happy with myself. I shouldn't say it out loud it really doesn't accomplish a thing. I feel like I'm at the end of I don't know what. I hope I haven't ran anyone off yet. Who wants to keep hearing drama? But I feel sick, literally sick of myself. I just hurt inside. I hurt in my heart, and I hurt in my gut. And I'm sorry to say it to all of you but I just feel like a rag twisted tight and like gushes of water are going to come pouring out. Have you ever just wanted to run and get under the blankets until it passes? I really want to run into a loving Grandmothers arms and just cry and not have to feel better to make her happy but to just have her love and comfort me until it passes. I would love to have a retreat, like a women's church retreat to go to but I don't belong to a particular church anymore and if I did right now I couldn't come up with the money. I feel so lost and so unhappy with me. Not with anyone but me. Not my circumstances but with me. And it's all my fault if you want things to be better you have to do something about them. What's wrong with me, I just don't. Why can't I be grateful that I don't have a devastating illness or I've had a better life then so many others.
And don't get me wrong, even worse I know I have nothing physical to be upset about. I have the most wonderful people in blog land stop by and say some of the kindest things. And I swear I'm not fishing for compliments. I just genuinely hurt/ache! God forgive me for complaining or not appreciating enough of what has be given to me. I hate sounding desperate, but right now I feel desperate. I love each of you. I admire all of you. I hope you all know that.
Best of everything to all of you. All my love, Tracy
Hey, Tracy, hang in there, girl. This will pass and the wonders that await us are things we can't know or understand right now. But they are there! We have a wonderful, wonderful God who has a purpose for each of us, a wonderful purpose. We are "a distinctive design created for a special purpose." That's what we are. Quote from Louise Hay. Keep your chin up. You are doing great!!! Much love, Linda
ReplyDeleteHere my miracle!
ReplyDeleteTotal healing of my body when I was 32. I was very sick with an auto immune disorder and it was slowly killing me. After two years of chronic illness I was ready to give up. One day I was sitting in church on a Wednesday night and I felt this strange feeling on top of my head. It felt like my scalp was on fire, being pressed down even. It was as if someone was PULLING the condition out of my skull. I know it sounds strange...it was for me, too. But it is all true. Although I still test positive for HAE (Hereditary Angio Edema) I no longer have any symptoms or struggles. They left on that summer night 18 years ago and have never returned.
I Prayed for healing for 15 years...and it came when I least expected.
God made a way when I feared there would be no way.
He will do the same for you!
Love to you~
Rebecca
I do suggest you see a doctor about this, sugar. Prayer also is a strong healing power. You may need some anti-depressants to help and there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking them. It just takes the edge off so you can get through days like this. I could say all the "normal" things people say, like get out of the house more often for walks in the mall or just around the block.
ReplyDeleteBut you are not alone as long as you have blogger friends. Just keep posting the feelings here on your blog and we can help you get through this feeling of depression. That truly sounds like what you are going through. I did, got help, take a small med for it and I'm so happy it makes me have to put on sunglasses as my future is so bright, sweet chick!!!! I am a happy person. You can be also.
Nope, sugar, no tales to tell of miracles but I feel like my whole life has been a miracle!!
xoxo,
Connie
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel as I have been there myself. I agree with Connie that getting on the right meds can help. Remember our talk about perimenopause? I truly suffered for 10 years even with meds. One thing that I have learned is that sometimes you just have to whistle in the dark to get through, in other words, act happy to be happy. Your family and friends will know the truth about your suffering but will respect your efforts to work your way through it. One of these days, it will no longer be an act. You can make it through even if it does take a long, long time. Christ is right next to you so hold onto Him. He wants your tears. XXXOOO's
Awww honey...don't let the enemy succeed in stealing the joy you have in the salvation of the Lord.
ReplyDelete"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching"
Hebrews 10:23-25
Praying for you sweetie.
Dear Sweeet friend, I'm sorry your so blue...you are loved more than you know! Just keep looking up and I'm praying for God to wrap you in those feathers! XO Keke
ReplyDeleteHey Girl! How are you doing today? Been concerned about you since initially reading this post the other day,
ReplyDeleteI've been praying for you, sweet friend!
Love,
Anne
Tracy, You are in menopause! What you are experiencing is so very common! Please let yourself be yourself by taking the correct necessary medication. I have been in your exact shoes, I thought I was going to die from despair. You are filled with anxiety which is not letting you be yourself. Tracy, you are not alone. Please advocate for yourself with your doctor. Please be well. We need you to be you. Elizabeth My miracle to share is that I was on the brink of a complete nervous breakdown after having an emergency hysterectomy. Over night I was suffering from clinical depression. One year later I was given anti anxiety medication and medication to sleep because I completely lost the ability to do it naturally, and now three years later I am well and myself.
ReplyDeleteTracy,
ReplyDeleteI came by thru Elizabeth's blog....I have struggled with depression and the feelings you are having more than once. There is no shame in getting on a med that can help you thru this time! It doesn't make you different just a better you! Gosh, we all seem to have these times.....but there is help! Please go get it and thank God for the physcian that can hear you and help you feel better!
I have a miracle story to share. I was extremely sick for over 10 years ~ finally was forced to dissolved a design business and lost my energy completely, was in too much pain to create or do any house work, drive, etc, I sent spent my days on the sofa or going to see a physical therapist 2x’s a week. Long story and many, many doctors later ~ who all gave me tons of unnecessary drugs for fibromyalgia . I felt as if my life had stopped.
ReplyDeleteFinally I changed primary doctors and a nurse diagnosed me with an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto's disease.
I started educating myself ~ joined some alternative support groups for thyroid diseases and found out I the drugs I had been given was killing me. I changed to an inexpensive natural hormone and my life has dramatically improved. I have almost no fibro symptoms now and years ago doctors told me to accept my faith and that I would never get any better. For years, I was treated by the best rehab and pain specialist at our medical Universities and research centers. I wasted thousands of dollars on these greedy jerks that never once bothered to run a simple complete thyroid panel. They where just treating my symptoms and then giving me more drugs for the side effects that those meds caused.
If you have been dx'd with fibro ~ go to this website, http://www.stopthethyroidmadness.com/
Join their yahoo support group and read every word. It may save your life. Best regards to all my fellow art friends. Prayer is good, but sometimes we have to educate ourselves!!!
gg
http://ggsfunctionalart.blogspot.com/
Oh Tracy,
ReplyDeleteMy heart just aches for you... I wish I could run down to your house and give you a big hug... I think feelings like yours happen to many women, so you are not alone. I don't have a miracle cure, but I have witnessed miracles, my youngest son, to name one... He had many things wrong with his heart and had he been born even one year earlier, there is no way he would have made it. The most touching part of his story is our friends, around the world prayed for him, and our entire family, as I will pray for you to get through this awful mess.
I have been spending way too much time watching the Olympics and not blogging this past week. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Your post is really struck me, it was honest and from your heart. That is hard to share. But thank you, my friend. We all care about you!
Kate
Your box was wonderful. I hope that you got my email on the day it came. So many sweet surprises and treasures. I am eager to work on the bird house and will probably get a chance to do that next week, when we have even more snow!!1 Thank you so much for your creative and generous swap. xoxo, Kris
ReplyDeleteHey Girl,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know I was thinking about you this morning!
Kate
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI don't think this really counts as a miracle, but guess what...you won my give-away! Maybe it's a 'God' thing telling you that everything you do is good & people care & good things are coming your way! Email me your address. Lisa
PS Hope's this makes your day better.
lisamcilvain@yahoo.com
Hey Sweetie Pie,
ReplyDeleteJust stopping in to check on you. I hope your feeling at least a little better!
XO Keke
Tracy Dear ~ I'm thinking of you ~ in my heart...
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing that you won such a fantastic giveaway - gorgeous things you'll receive - enjoy...
Cynthia K. (Beauty and Blessings)
Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI'm just sending off the prizes from my giveaway, and cannot find your address.
Would you mind mailing it to me again?
thanks
barbara jean
Hi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteJust coming out of my Olympics daze long enough to pop over tell you hi, I'm thinking of you, and hoping things are looking brighter soon for you! Take care, praying for you also. A big hug through the computer!!!
Kate
Hi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteI'm back, thinking of you again... Congrats on your giveaway prize. It's beautiful! I hope you have some moments of peace and loveliness today!
Kate
Hi Tracy,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know, I am praying for you RIGHT NOW!!!
Take care,
Kate
Tracy ~ I love you - you're very special to me. You have so much to offer - you're a delight...
ReplyDeleteI know you are full of love for your friends, but also pour some of that love on yourself. We each need to love ourselves. It helps us appreciate the gifts we have and remember how blessed we are. And it helps us take care of our own bodies and minds - to get help when needed. You know our God does work through doctors and medicine also. I speak from experience here - I'm still battling depression too. We can pray for each other.
Lord, thank you for my lovely friend, Tracy. I'm so glad you put her in my life...
Cynthia K. (Beauty and Blessings)
Dear sweet Tracy, you may have a touch of depression and it seems that so many of us are fighting this right now....plus most of us are reaching this age of realization, that we are at our midlife point and is where we are truly what we want for ourselves for the rest of our journey through this life? Our attitude and mindset is so very important but sometimes outside counsel can help us see the path more clearly. I personally fight depression each and every day and take a mild medication to help in that respect. Please know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers sweet girl.....hugs and love, Dawn
ReplyDeleteTracy, You have been gone too long. Please let us know that you are okay! Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteTracy,
ReplyDeleteSent your package off tonight.
Let me know when you get it OK?
blessings
barbara jean
Tracy, I have to apologize for not being over here. It seems like life has gotten crazy around here. Please forgive me. I've read all the comments and I agree. There could be something physical going on that needs a diagnosis. I know God is our healer, but He also provides physicians to help. Thyroid problem was a big one for me. Depression seems to hit so many of us as we approach menopause. It's important to "listen" to your body. Go get a thorough check up. Have them test your thyroid, estrogen levels and consider an antidepressant. They can all help to turn your life around.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much. Please feel better.
Debra
G'day Tracy ~
ReplyDeleteTwo points ~ all the ladies before me are right, you NEED to get a medical check up first off. We can pray all day long, He hears us, but He also wants us to take care of ourselves, do to the Drs.
Secondly ~ I have had a horrible lifetime of autoimmune issues ... God carried me thru each medical issue instance thru the Drs. that He directed me to. My Crohn's disease is under control, my heart birth defect is now under control, my severe allergies are under control, etc. ... these are miracles in each instance.
I will lift you in prayer that you will be fine, my friend.
Have a wonderful week.
TTFN ~ Marydon
Dear Tracy, this is the first time I have visited your blog and I can't remember how I got here, but I know who sent me.
ReplyDeleteGod is great at putting people in our paths just when we need them.
I've read the other comments and I want you to know that I profoundly believe in prayer, but I also profoundly believe in doctors and medicine - heck, God made the docs and meds, right?
I want to tell you that I so related to your post. I've been there, unfortunately. I know how you feel. My heart bleeds for you, Tracy.
I know the feelings of unworth, of being unloveable, I even had a time when I felt that everyone would be so much better off if I was gone. I didn't mean in like kill myself, I meant in like disappear, I guess.
I want to encourage you to make an appointment with your doctor, Tracy. And, I really hope your doctor is a woman *we just seem to understand each other better, ya know?*.
If you can't get in immediately then you tell the receptionist that it's a mental health emergency. (I'm so serious)
Just talk to your doctor and explain how you're feeling. Your doctor will know what to do.
I've been on anti-depressants for several years and have even had to raise my dose once. I thank God often for my medicine. He got me to go to my doctor because He knew I needed help.
I hope you'll take my advice. I hope you'll step out in faith knowing that God is beside you all the way.
And, Tracy, if there is anything I can do, if you want to email me, then I welcome it. I really do.
God bless you,
Jan
polkadotbarn@gmail.com
www.polkadotbarn.blogspot.com