I've Got Nothing

Except God....

what more do I need?

Well, this title is a little misleading.  When I decided to post tonight my first thought was I've got nothing.  Nothing to say that is.  Then I realized how shallow that sounded.  It wasn't meant to sound like it does.  I only meant to say that I know y'all haven't heard much from me for the past 3 weeks except begging for prayers and telling you of our troubles.  I so want something positive to say.  But honestly I just don't have the energy.  

Then I decided the best thing I could do is look for scripture to share.  Well by the time I finished sharing I realized just how empty and unappreciative that title sounded.  I was prepared to change it, but in the end I think this is the message to me, that the Lord had planned for me all alone.

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Trust Him in the Dark

 (Author: A.W. Tozer, from NIV Seniors Devotional Bible)

(Verse:  Proverbs 3:5 ~ Passage: Proverbs 3:1-10)

God constantly encourages us to trust him in the dark. "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name" (Isaiah 45:3).

It is heartening to learn how many of God's mighty deeds were done in secret, away from the prying eyes of men or angels.  When God created the heavens and the earth, darkness was upon the face of the deep.  When the eternal Son became flesh, he was carried for a time in the darkness of the sweet virgin's womb.  When he died for the life of the world, it was in the darkness, seen by no one at the last.  When arose from the dead, it was "very early in the morning" (Luke 24:1).  No one saw him rise.  It is as if God were saying, "What I am is  all peace.  I will do what I will do, and it will all come to light at last, but how I do it is my secret.  Trust me, and be not afraid."

With the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it and the power of God to achieve it, what do we lack?  Surely we are the most favored of all his creatures. 

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Neils Moms Dr. came in last night and spoke with us.  He tried to tell Neil the time for heroics has passed, that this is the progression of the end of her life.  They decided it was time to discharge her from the hospital to the rehab/senior center.  She has a peg in, for her to receive nourishment.  She is sleeping almost around the clock.  Neil wants her to stay in the hospital until she's better.  Which no one except Neil believes will happen.  This is so painful for him.  The Dr. told him that if he has a half hour of lucid time to be grateful for that.  He told us that he would like to contact Hospice and have them speak to us.  Bless his heart it just about killed him to hear that.  I thought he was beginning to accept things but I was wrong.  I know that God has a plan and her being away from home for the last three weeks is all apart of it.  To help him possibly separate and learn to accept.  Does that sound cruel?  I don't mean to sound callous because actually this is breaking my heart.  I hate not being able to fix things and to comfort him.

They did transport her to the Life Center today.  I didn't go today because I'm getting sick and we don't want to compromise her health.  Neil stayed with her until they moved her and then followed them over.  She continued to sleep through it all.  The people at life center told him they can't force her to participate in rehab but she has to make progress to be able to continue to stay there.

Neil came home still a wreck, still crying, although he tries not to show it.  He says he thinks he is getting the flu.  He stomach is terribly upset.  I believes he's so worn out that his immune system is down and he probably has caught a bug and you all know what nerves can do to your stomach.  What a bad combination.  Now he's really worried.  Who's going to go over there and try to get her up (in other words, try to make her live).  He's sorta feeling that the Drs., myself and his neices (who aren't really in the picture) have just given up on her and he doesn't think she's ready.  How do I work with that?  What do I do, how do I comfort someone who's not ready to let go?  So now we're both sick and no good to anyone.  I pray that God uses me and that I open my eyes if I'm looking at this all wrong.  Well thank you all for listening.

Maybe the title should be changed from Except God to ACCEPT GOD!

Love and Hugs...Tracy

I feel too sick and am too tired to proof, please excuse my bad grammar and spelling.  I do know the difference between there, their and they're or  dear and deer but when I get going I sometimes miss what I've done until I reread it.